Collaboration Killers: Comparison

       When I was nineteen years old, I tried out for American Idol.  Yes, I went to the Browns Stadium in Cleveland Ohio, stayed the night and the next morning I sang in front of producers of the show.  As the people were picked, they came up the stairs and sang for the whole crowd.  It was an exciting experience as we waited all day to sing in front of producers for 30 seconds and then not be chosen.  I tried out the year Carrie Underwood won, and although I did not make it past the first rounds, honestly I wasn't too upset about it.  I just wanted the experience of trying out for a singing competition.   As I left I saw people crying; they were devastated as all their dreams were crushed.  I heard some of them; they were professional grade vocalists, no doubt.  But it wasn't what the show was looking for, and so they were not chosen.  Not being chosen caused them to cry, to mourn, to have crestfallen looks.  Many people walked in with hope and expectation and walked out with disappointment and doubt. 

     Being chosen, it is a phrase that maybe haunts you as much as it has haunted me. Being chosen and comparing yourself to another to see why they were picked and not you is something as automatic as breathing for me.   I am not a competitive person by nature, but I am an obsessive comparer.  We all learn by watching, from our birth to sitting in a classroom, to watching YouTube, TV, or social media.  We see information, we watch others, and we learn many times by comparison.  Comparison and contrasting are not bad, in fact in the right context comparing and assessing are great tools to grow a craft or skill.  But when it comes to unique gifting's, calling, abilities, and identity, comparison kills.

       In regards t
o collaboration, comparison devalues and masks your abilities and unique gifting.  You see I was born with a huge mouth when I talk people listen.  I don't want people to hear and have struggled with this gifting that I thought was a curse.  Why? Because I compared myself to other women, they were quiet, shy, timid, even in their teenage years.  I was dirty, climbing trees, riding bull rides, and swinging from ropes, I LOVED adventure, but I began to try to diminish and fit in with those girls.  I found myself more worried about fitting in than I did about being who I was born to be.  You see the world needs the unique gifting and abilities you have to offer.  I now utilize my loud, fun, spirit at On Purpose Consulting group.  Erin tells me people are drawn to me because I am so different, but our whole team is different.  Erin likes to be in the background; she wants to do the work behind the scenes. Tawnya loves to encourage and be in a relationship, Gina loves business processes, Staci keeps the boundaries, and Amanda can build an event in her sleep.

     Each one of us has unique personalities that allow us to work seamlessly together.  The problem is when someone sees team members gifting as their detriment.  When you begin to see someone get attention for their unique abilities and you let that praise to someone tell you that somehow you have been cheated it steals your uniqueness.  Allowing comparison in robs you of relationship because the comparison makes you see someone as competition.  You are now competing for validation, to feed the broken place in your life called insecurity.  Insecurity stems from forgetting who you are.

   So what do we do?  How do we not compare and see people as competition? We choose.  You see many of us were broken by not being selected, and it is with that same concept that we accept others.  We choose to believe that before we were born God knit us together, he chose us, he wants us, and he desires to be in a relationship with us.  Just as we are, broken, sick, weary, worn, issue filled, Jesus died for us.  When we plant our feet that even if a man rejects us, we are chosen by God, we can give not from brokenness but whole love.  You see I don't need you to validate me, and I don't need to be told I am fantastic, anointed, set apart, loved.  I get that from Jesus.  But I can choose to give from the place of being accepted by God to those I see on a daily basis.  I decide to cheer on others who get what I want,  knowing that in his words it says: My Grace is sufficient for you. I can choose when I struggle with something to believe that 'He who has begun a good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.' (Phil 1:6)  When I feel like I am attacked, misunderstood, labeled, compared, and persecuted I believe "Blessed are you when you are persecuted for righteousness sake."   and 'All things work together for good to them who love the Lord, and are called according to his purpose. "   These are words that I was taught as a child and words I cling to when fears, comparison, and insecurity come.

   Can I challenge you today?  Where have you allowed comparison to rob relationship?  Where is there brokenness because of insecurity in your life. You see the world needs your uniqueness, not your uniformity.  It requires your creativity and wonder, not your control and your worry.  God is calling a generation of men and women to be all hands on deck, know who they are and whose they are.  This is your wake up call my friends because the world needs you to be you.    There is a prayer I pray almost every day, and it is one I want to invite you to pray as well.  " Jesus, come into all of my broken places, my scared, places, and my hiding places.  I invite you in to heal my heart. -Amen"