Hello fellow Turkey goers! My house currently smells of Pumpkin Pie and Nic and I have spent the evening baking pies. I already see news feeds all atweet with #grateful #TurkeyDay and "What do we talk about with our families for Thanksgiving? We have a generation of greed and envy that twenty four seven bombards us with messages of "you need" or "you want" and then one day a year we are supposed to be able to put a thought behind the words "Thanksgiving." It really hit me on Monday as I picked up my child from school, like I do everyday. My youngest child was in the back seat asking me if we could go to the Thanksgiving Feast at her school. Well I worked a twelve hour shift that night and her dad had a long day at work so the answer was "No, I am sorry but No." She does struggle with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) as does every six year old. But her response really threw me for a loop. "Daddy is lazy," I was completely surprised by this response and she then started into how life was horrible and she NEVER gets to do anything fun." I was caught in between checking my mirror to see if a teenager had possessed her body and utter dumbfounded exasperation. In these moments I have learned to not react but to pause and dissect the root of the problem and pray "Jesus give me wisdom!"
My youngest actually doesn't suffer from FOMO, her daddy is not lazy, and she does get to do a lot of things fun. My youngest suffered from a disease called esse ingratus , which translates being ungrateful. Or in the redneck momma version, she was being an ungrateful little brat. I wanted to yell at her, but it wouldn't fix it, I wanted to pull over and reem her and shame her for saying her Father was lazy. But I pulled from my amazing Propel tool box, and from a book I read called "Breaking Busy" by Alli Worthington instead. She talked about having an attitude of Gratitude and how she instilled in her boys to say things they were grateful for. We have being doing that every night in their prayers but now someone needed an adjustment of her perspective.
I opened my mouth and wisdom came out so I knew it was God not me. I said gently "I want you to name five things you are grateful for today." She sat in the back seat pouting looking in my mirror making sure I knew she was unhappy with me. I waited looking back at her. "Well I was on blue today, and I got ice cream, and ......" The list began to unfold and her attitude suddenly turned around. Not once did she bring back up the fact that she couldn't go to the Feast that night. Her posture changed and her perspective followed. Esse Ingratus is a stiffness of the neck, your eyes move when your neck moves, so if your neck is refusing to move your eyes will stay focused on something, maybe not what its supposed too.
Esse Ingratus
You see it is so easy for us to get off track, to get so focused on what we don't have that we miss out on what we do have. I am by nature an achiever and for me I have a mantra that I do every day now that helps me check where I am. I LOVE goals, I mean could sit and write out your life goals, how we can get you there and what we would need to do to change your life. I have seventeen plans on standby if something goes wrong and I don't get worked up because I have a plan always. Except when I don't, because in that moment, nothing I am doing works in my own power. When life throws us curve balls, we are away from home for the holidays, our family is missing a member, or a family member is sick and the reality of mortality comes bearing down on us. Someone said something that we are holding onto, we can't stand someone in our family they cant stand us. We don't have a family, what ever it is we all have struggles walls and mountains we cannot seem to get over. We become so focused on the one blockade that we miss the beautiful room we are in. We begin to complain about the thing that makes us uncomfortable rather than on the amazing people that are surrounding us. I remember when the housing market crashed almost ten years ago our house depreciated by half and we found ourselves stuck in house too small for what we needed. Now I thank God for this little house with the small mortgage that allows me to work part time, and the family that is less than five blocks away on either side of us. I have been able to travel this past year because of it.
Treatment Regimen for Esse Ingratus
If Esse Ingratus is a disease then one question every day can help to start to treat it. I ask myself everyday this one thing: Am I present here today? You see I missed many today's and traded them for dream tomorrows, and then one day found myself struck blind by a situation I couldn't plan my way out of, and nothing I did could fix it. None of these dreams were bad, some were very noble, and most were spiritually guided, but if I am being honest with you, it was a mirage and was stealing from me the blessings God gave me. I began being present in each day, I started stewarding what I already had and investing in relationships that were already invested. You see we spend so much time, energy, money, and sacrifice on the mirage of feeling worthy, that we miss the heartbeat of God and that is community. God didn't want Adam alone and told him and Eve to prosper. Lean into your story, be all into that story, however broken and neglected it is. Esse Ingratus, is a trick it only masks the problem it doesn't take it away.
Alli talks about it and I still hear her say it "put on an attitude of gratitude" Yes force yourself every day to quit focusing on what you can't change and start being thankful for the many blessings of God. I had so much food in my cart tonight at Walmart I actually pulled my shoulder muscle. I am thankful that God has blessed me so much it overwhelmed my body. Be present here, don't miss out on the small things and hide behind busyness as an excuse. Celebrate every single victory, embrace your inner millennial, give yourself a trophy for showing up lol. I think if we treated ourselves with that kind of love, we could give from that pure place. I know for me I have spent many years exhausted, weary, working on the holidays, complaining about having to make everyone get along. But this year as I sit in my quiet living room I am grateful for Gods blessings, my family, my friends, my job, my health I(even the pulled muscle) Lets all get honest and real especially on today this holiday of gratefulness and thankfulness. I love you all I hope you know that I am thankful for you as well, you reader.
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