SO guys we are so close to being done with this series of Burn out and over it. I have spent the last three months living out this theory of being burn out and over it. You see it was almost seven years ago God began to take Nic and I on a journey of self discovery. I think this was before Oceans was popular and we knew God was calling us out of his dads church. I will never forget when we left there and found a new home church it was like we had a big red bulls eye on us and the enemy it felt like came for us. In the seven years that has followed God has taken us through seasons of triumph, testing, tribulation, tears, and terror. 2 Timothy 2: 20-21 talks about God setting apart us as honorable instruments for his use. "So if anyone purifies himself from anything dishonorable he will be a special instrument, set apart, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work." When you know in the innermost places God has called you you know he has to purify you. I say God because, I know He needed to get to the bottom level of my fears for what he was calling me into. You see I had a major soul issue. I am not talking little things but a major issue from a very young age learning bad mindsets and a bitter soul.
I lived on the poorest side of my town, and my town is known by this slogan "If you need help call 911 if you want trouble call 922" Where I grew up people were poor, their was addiction, molestation, and religion in a very cultic form, as well as neglect, abuse, and extreme poverty. I grew up not hearing from anywhere that I was special, that God had a plan for me, I heard that I was a divorced female ministers daughter so I was disqualified in the church world. I was too poor for the world, I had no standing, no influence, no money, and no one to really pour into me. I prayed for sons because I knew if I had sons I could tell them they could do anything God told them to do, but I mourned when I had daughters. I grieved and cried but you know in your weakness He is strong.
My brother looked at me a few months ago and said to me "You never knew a healthy man before the age of eighteen did you." The answer was no. Men abused me. In every way. I learned to protect myself, hide myself, to compartmentalize, to pretend my childhood never existed. But when God calls you into ministry he wants to set you free before you can be used to set others free.
Guys I had a big soul issue. Huge. I was fed poison very early. learned early men used you, but never saw you. I believe in the Bride of Jesus, I believe that the greatest hope this world has is Jesus and his body is us. People of blessing can still live in bondage, and for me I knew I was called into ministry but I also knew that I didn't want to do it because I thought I lived through enough as a child. I paid my dues with my soul and it was sick, scarred, beaten and abused. I was called, chosen, but I was so sick, weak, neglected and malnourished and I didn't know how to get better. Do you know what God did?
He began to grow Nic and I separately and together. God showed me who He was and I learned to trust Him and learned to trust Nic. God took me through those seasons of tests, trials, tears, terror, and triumph so that I could have the yuck parts of my soul fixed. I had a mountain of reasons on why I couldn't do ministry and God took me through each one. His kindness sometimes comes in the form of hard seasons. One by one he brought them to the surface and you know what happened? Things were different this time I was terrified but God was right beside me through every trial, every hard place. Nic and I submitted to the process and we walked through it, we didn't try to cheat the process. We created rhythms in our life and invited God into our processes, I became vulnerable and like Elijah I found I wasn't alone. Like Elijah I found that my hope wasn't in world leaders, church leaders, or any other leader, my hope was in Jesus. If I can be honest here are 3 things I learned while God was healing my soul.
My Trust is my Faith.
I was driving in my car in the middle of this process complaining to God on my way to work. He spoke audibly "I will take you as far as you are willing to go, but I will stop at any time here." He said at the time I didn't know what that entailed but it was a few months before I told Him "I surrender to the call on my life." So I said "Take me all the way Lord." I said it knowing it would cost me everything but I didn't know what everything was. You see your trials, your anxiety, your brokenness He wants to heal it, but before you ever have a surgery you have to give consent and submit to the process. Many of us live with limps, pain, and fear because we won't consent to His process. We want our sin, our weights, we want to live in the promise but still do anything we want. We don't give consent, we live in our limitations. Many times what I thought was the enemy was actually God preparing me to lead well, to love others, and to love him. Do you trust the one who can set you free? Where is your faith? Do you know the God of miracles, the God of salvation, the God of healing and restoration?
Be in the word:
God has spoken more to me in his world more than any self help book or counseling. I seek Him daily and set aside time daily to renew my mind, to be in scripture, to give him Lordship to commune with Him daily. I sit with a Bible, a journal and I wait on Him to speak to move me. I pray about things, I believe if Jesus is the Head prayer is the Central Nervous system of the body of Christ. The Holy spirit is the spine of the body and communicates to each cell of the body of Christ. But you have to have those connectors, those neurons that speak to the body. Without it you will not move, you won't do, and you won't every go where God is calling you. I would rather have him give me a fresh word than get it from anywhere else. I have learned through His word, through prayer and intercession He is God No One Else.
Surround yourself with people who love you.
I will never forget I was looking at the picture of a women that God told me to contact feeling nervous and having a panic moment as my mouse was hovering over the "send button" "God she isn't going to want to talk to me, I have nothing to offer." I told Him. He whispered back "Trust me, reach out to her." So I hit send and she responded almost immediately. I was dumbfounded sitting on my porch with my laptop on my lap. She wanted to talk to me, and thus began my journey of surrounding myself with people who I needed rather than wanted. Our first phone call she told me "Surround yourself with people who know your heart, don't worry about what others say, be more concerned with those who know your heart and our for you." My life changed that day and I began to intentionally surround myself with people who I knew loved me, were for me and knew my heart. It drastically minimized my drama in life and my stress level. It shut down a lot of noise and helped focus on hearing Gods voice. When you let go of people that want to use you, to change you, or control you it feeds your soul and helps it grow strong. A year later nothing in my life situation has changed but my ability to keep moving forward has changed drastically.
Don't let your heart become bitter, don't let your peace be stolen but fight hard to keep yourself and your soul and heart resilient. God has a plan for each one of us, will you allow him to heal your weary, worn out heart and soul?
Blessings.
I lived on the poorest side of my town, and my town is known by this slogan "If you need help call 911 if you want trouble call 922" Where I grew up people were poor, their was addiction, molestation, and religion in a very cultic form, as well as neglect, abuse, and extreme poverty. I grew up not hearing from anywhere that I was special, that God had a plan for me, I heard that I was a divorced female ministers daughter so I was disqualified in the church world. I was too poor for the world, I had no standing, no influence, no money, and no one to really pour into me. I prayed for sons because I knew if I had sons I could tell them they could do anything God told them to do, but I mourned when I had daughters. I grieved and cried but you know in your weakness He is strong.
My brother looked at me a few months ago and said to me "You never knew a healthy man before the age of eighteen did you." The answer was no. Men abused me. In every way. I learned to protect myself, hide myself, to compartmentalize, to pretend my childhood never existed. But when God calls you into ministry he wants to set you free before you can be used to set others free.
Guys I had a big soul issue. Huge. I was fed poison very early. learned early men used you, but never saw you. I believe in the Bride of Jesus, I believe that the greatest hope this world has is Jesus and his body is us. People of blessing can still live in bondage, and for me I knew I was called into ministry but I also knew that I didn't want to do it because I thought I lived through enough as a child. I paid my dues with my soul and it was sick, scarred, beaten and abused. I was called, chosen, but I was so sick, weak, neglected and malnourished and I didn't know how to get better. Do you know what God did?
He began to grow Nic and I separately and together. God showed me who He was and I learned to trust Him and learned to trust Nic. God took me through those seasons of tests, trials, tears, terror, and triumph so that I could have the yuck parts of my soul fixed. I had a mountain of reasons on why I couldn't do ministry and God took me through each one. His kindness sometimes comes in the form of hard seasons. One by one he brought them to the surface and you know what happened? Things were different this time I was terrified but God was right beside me through every trial, every hard place. Nic and I submitted to the process and we walked through it, we didn't try to cheat the process. We created rhythms in our life and invited God into our processes, I became vulnerable and like Elijah I found I wasn't alone. Like Elijah I found that my hope wasn't in world leaders, church leaders, or any other leader, my hope was in Jesus. If I can be honest here are 3 things I learned while God was healing my soul.
My Trust is my Faith.
I was driving in my car in the middle of this process complaining to God on my way to work. He spoke audibly "I will take you as far as you are willing to go, but I will stop at any time here." He said at the time I didn't know what that entailed but it was a few months before I told Him "I surrender to the call on my life." So I said "Take me all the way Lord." I said it knowing it would cost me everything but I didn't know what everything was. You see your trials, your anxiety, your brokenness He wants to heal it, but before you ever have a surgery you have to give consent and submit to the process. Many of us live with limps, pain, and fear because we won't consent to His process. We want our sin, our weights, we want to live in the promise but still do anything we want. We don't give consent, we live in our limitations. Many times what I thought was the enemy was actually God preparing me to lead well, to love others, and to love him. Do you trust the one who can set you free? Where is your faith? Do you know the God of miracles, the God of salvation, the God of healing and restoration?
Be in the word:
God has spoken more to me in his world more than any self help book or counseling. I seek Him daily and set aside time daily to renew my mind, to be in scripture, to give him Lordship to commune with Him daily. I sit with a Bible, a journal and I wait on Him to speak to move me. I pray about things, I believe if Jesus is the Head prayer is the Central Nervous system of the body of Christ. The Holy spirit is the spine of the body and communicates to each cell of the body of Christ. But you have to have those connectors, those neurons that speak to the body. Without it you will not move, you won't do, and you won't every go where God is calling you. I would rather have him give me a fresh word than get it from anywhere else. I have learned through His word, through prayer and intercession He is God No One Else.
Surround yourself with people who love you.
I will never forget I was looking at the picture of a women that God told me to contact feeling nervous and having a panic moment as my mouse was hovering over the "send button" "God she isn't going to want to talk to me, I have nothing to offer." I told Him. He whispered back "Trust me, reach out to her." So I hit send and she responded almost immediately. I was dumbfounded sitting on my porch with my laptop on my lap. She wanted to talk to me, and thus began my journey of surrounding myself with people who I needed rather than wanted. Our first phone call she told me "Surround yourself with people who know your heart, don't worry about what others say, be more concerned with those who know your heart and our for you." My life changed that day and I began to intentionally surround myself with people who I knew loved me, were for me and knew my heart. It drastically minimized my drama in life and my stress level. It shut down a lot of noise and helped focus on hearing Gods voice. When you let go of people that want to use you, to change you, or control you it feeds your soul and helps it grow strong. A year later nothing in my life situation has changed but my ability to keep moving forward has changed drastically.
Don't let your heart become bitter, don't let your peace be stolen but fight hard to keep yourself and your soul and heart resilient. God has a plan for each one of us, will you allow him to heal your weary, worn out heart and soul?
Blessings.
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