Skip to main content

Stamp of Approval : Part 1

Who do need to seek approval from?

So if you have been following my blog for the last two years you know that I have struggled with wanting to be a people pleaser.  Their is a story in the Bible about two brothers Jacob and Esau. Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of soup essentially.  Did his birthright mean so little to him?  In the same way I have given away my gifting and abilities, and overlooked my God given worth, just for someone to tell me I had value.  Its like a daughter who you tell is beautiful and she won't believe it because someone at school told her she wasn't.  We buy into lies much quicker than we believe the truth, and jump through hoops.   I  have agreed with things I knew was wrong, and all for what?  To have someone approve of me.   Learning that sometimes you have to walk the valley of disapproval to know that even if others forsake you or betray you, God will still be with you.  It is important to inspect and assess you current life, relationships, and what you are holding.  It is important to ask yourself this one question: Am I doing this so that someone likes me or approves of me, or do I know that this is where God has placed me?  If we want to preserve and persevere in present day crazy we first have to inspect our motives and the underlying or 'root' cause of why we are trying so hard. 

What does man's approval look like?
   Almost two years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, with very real panic attacks.  I tried to run from it, I tried to pretend they weren't there and sitting beside my husband in a coffee shop I whispered with tears welling up in my eyes. "I am not okay."  I had some pretty messed up approval ideas and God was gently rewiring me, even though it felt like hell.  I took Xanax to survive normal life, I wanted to drink myself into oblivion, wanted to rewrap my heart in anger and bitterness, I wanted anything to make this pain go away, this was after all what I tried to protect myself from: rejection from others. It felt like I was stripped down naked and standing where everyone was watching.  It is painful to realize that more people wanted you to fail than wanted to see you succeed and knowing that with every naked step you take can cause you pain, shame, anxiety, and frustration.   So what was going on here?  Was I a bad person, a weak person? Some people told me God was punishing me, others talked about me behind my back, and sadly, others choose to cut off our friendship because it was too much.  I lost much in this season and I was awakened to something more and although painful, I can look back and see the beauty in the ashes.
     God was lovingly taking me through the areas of my life that were killing me.  The biggest one:  I thought I needed someone's stamp of approval to have value, and I couldn't get their approval no matter what I did.  It felt like I was never enough, I was always lacking somehow, and it fed into the idea that I was unworthy. This led to anxiety, to irrational fear, and it spiraled me to seek approval of anyone who would tell me I had value.  It changed me into someone I didn't know and didn't like.  I just wanted to hear it from someone, and those around me withheld those words from me, and it hurt, it bled, and I wanted to just make the pain stop.  This is what man's approval looks like.  It is chaos, its time consuming, and it's a monster that is never done being fed.  It will kill you, it will rob, you and will isolate you from any life-giving relationships. The stamp of approval costs too much and requires you to give your soul to it.   Man's approval will always leave you needing more because it is a bandaid solution to a surgical problem.
What does God's approval look like?
If you asked me what God's approval looked like two years ago I wouldn't know anymore.  I spent too many years going down the rabbit trail trying to find my purpose in someone else, or something else.  But it started with stating that I was not okay, I was trying too hard to be something I wasn't, and I wasn't giving from an authentic place. My part was admitting or confessing that I was not okay, I then invited God into my very sick and broken place.   Gods approval starts with grace, I want to be very clear that it is a starting place, and for a doer and people pleaser grace is hard for me.  Not only giving it, but receiving it. To say that God approves of me based on nothing I could do or have done, I struggle to wrap my mind around it.  At times grace just doesn't seem fair, but that is the beauty of grace, it levels the playing field for all mankind.   Paul says in Eph 2:8  "For you are saved by grace, through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift, not from works, so that no man can boast." 
     Gods grace is not anything we can earn, but it is something freely given.  The above scripture was written by a man who killed Christians and persecuted the early church, and had a radical transformation.  So God's approval is something you cannot earn, it is something given, through the cross of Jesus.   God's grace is approval, it is knowing that no matter how I mess up, if I keep coming back to the cross, if I keep inviting His lordship; keep allowing me to renew my mind, I feel, yes FEEL God's grace wash over me.  I have daily began to pray "Jesus come into my broken places, my dark places, my hidden places, I need you here, I give you consent here." Because daily I need his love, daily I need grace.  Grace is the daily starting place and it is through the lens of grace that I can keep a firm grip on compassion, and my purpose.  It is not a place where we squander His grace saying "I can do what I want, because God loves me."  This is not the goal of God's approval.  As I said in a previous blog our "Holy Vocation" is to Love God and point others to him. God approves of you because he designed you in His image and it is this truth you need to embrace instead of the lie that you are unapproved. 
Filters and Photoshop 
My last challenge for you is to find your root lie.  Mine is found in unworthiness, I bought the lie that I wasn't worthy, something was wrong with me on a very basic level and that I had to work to gain others approval.  It has been a pattern clear back to childhood.  My performance mindset fed that lie even more, and so I created an image of myself that put myself in the best light.  I had a filter that I saw my life through and wanted others to see it through.  Here is the problem with filters, unless its the right filter it distorts truth and you cannot see it from where you are standing.  Filters don't just change how others see you, it distorts how you see yourself.  So find the filter, find the root lie and then bring it into the open.  You cannot be all who God says you are unless you KNOW you are approved by him.  So my challenge is clear and I hope that this gives you strength and allows you to openly see that seeking first your kingdom will only lead to destruction.  Seek Gods kingdom FIRST and ALL these things will be added unto you. 

Lots of Love
Cassie

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I know who I am.

I will never forget the moment I was on stage, playing piano singing the words 'I know who I am, I know who I am, I know who I am,  I am yours, I am yours and you are mine. "  Even while singing the words I knew by heart, I was having a crisis.  I was singing one thing, but my heart was saying "who am I? and "I don't know who I am anymore." I really didn't know who I was anymore, and that for me was terrifying.   You see as a performer, I adapt to my surroundings.   I am what I need to be in a situation, and my life was standing in a hole that needed to be filled at any given moment.   Many people could never figure me out, because the truth is, I never was consistent in who I was.  I was just what I needed to be in that season, I said the right things, did the right things and performed to the level of expectation that was placed before me.  The issue being, I didn't know who I was, I was lost trying to please people.  As I have told you before I

Cultivating a tribe: The woman with an issue

So I can remember my mom singing with a trio back in the day and the song started like this "A woman tried many physicians, but they could not help, so unto Jesus she came.  And when the crowd they tried to restrain her, she whispered these words through her pain.  Touching Jesus is all that really matters, than your life will never be the same.  There only one way to touch Him, just whisper these words through your pain." Last week I talked about the women at the well, you know the one that really didn't care she was an outsider, whose life was a mess and yet when she met Jesus she was changed.  Well this week I want to talk to you about a women with an issue that she couldn't control.  A women that by her disease was made unclean and couldn't even go into the temple.  She risked everything for the hope of being healed.   You see when we look at a cultivating a tribe we need to look at the women with the issues.  I relate with this women probably more than I

Moms Middle School Survival Kit

I am on the phone alot with moms of middle school girls, why? Because it is one of the most socially agressive times in a girls life. Its starts around fourth grade and by the time the hormones kick in, girls are struggling with some deep issues. Cutting, sexuality, identity, community, internal, and external pressures. I hope to help give you tools to begin the conversations with your daughters so that they can learn survival skills. These skills will help them thrive in environments where relational aggression flourishes. As your daughter grows and flourishes she can learn to survive this world a little better. Speak up and Be aware All kids struggle with big feelings, the reason why it is so hard for girls is because their feelings shared, can have a direct effect on their social life. Peer pressure for girls is being empathetic and compassionate. You don't want to stand out becuase then you won't have protection. And for many girls they crumble and diminsh who the