My mom had a sign in her office that was a black and white word document with this quote: Life is 10% what happens to you 90 % how you react to it. My mom always had reminders on her walls at work. I thought she had it together and she was so wise when I was in middle school, looking back I see now that she needed that reminder as much as I do at times. We teach every generation what they could be, but rarely ever tell them how to live well here. How do we continue to live when we have a loss that punches you in the gut every single night. A basement level fear that came true, a tough situation at work that you can't shake, and the list could go on and on. We do not know, or ever, have control over some things. I have struggled to respond rather than react. I teach my children the endless possibilities their life offers. But also, how to live in a world that is broken, fallen, full of heartache, and pain. Many seasons in our lives are endurance seasons, so how do we build endurance when our circumstances don't change? When it feels like hell had a huddle and everything is coming against you?
Learn to Respond don't React
I have been waking up early in the morning and spending time in prayer and in my Bible. I read Proverbs every single morning because I need wisdom every single day. Learning how to renew your mind daily is a discipline that we all need, and many of us could solve our problems if we just applied God's word to our lives. In addition to this, I have a phrase written out in my journal as a reminder, I think I saw it on a meme somewhere, but the first line is: Respond, don't React. The reaction is instinctual; we to do not think when we react. A reaction in chemistry is a product of mixing two reactive products together, causing a reaction. In life, it feels good sometimes to react, to tell that person how you really feel. To destroy something, to not think and just do. Reactions in the right place are needed, but in our decision making, we must learn to think and process and respond to our situations rather than react to them. When we choose to respond, we are acknowledging a situation, but we choose our course of action. I have found I react more when I am tired, I am unprepared, I am emotionally drained, or physically hungry. Are you reacting or responding?
Learn to Listen to Hear
I am a talker. There, I said it. But one of the phrases I love is: Listen with the intent to hear, not the intent to reply. OUCH. Many times we live in a world where we are the main character in our story, we have the most lines, and everyone else is a supporting character. Some of us have been having a monologue rather than a dialogue. When learning to change your perspective in relational conflicts, we need to learn to listen and don't talk. In the Bible, there is a story about the children of Israel, and they didn't go into their promise because they grumbled and complained. Joshua didn't let them talk at Jerico because the Lord commanded it, I also think it was to teach them how to listen rather than speak. I find that I talk at my kids, I talk at my team, I talk at my patients, and when I am on autopilot, I miss opportunities to hear what someone is actually saying. Maybe you are listening to reply and defend yourself rather than hearing what someone is trying to tell you. I don't like constructive feedback, but I can tell you that even from my haters, I try to listen to what they are saying.
Think don't assume
So confession time when I am in the line at the grocery store, I check out the magazines that have all the juicy gossip. I don't know why I want to know about Prince Harry's life, I will never meet him, but I want to look at pictures of his wedding and see his wife. The problem with living in such an opinionated world is people assume more than they think, and they share more than they fact check. Marketers design catchy phrases to catch our attention and speak in a way that connects with our base nature. Sometimes our circumstance doesn't need to change, but what we are assuming does. Assumptions are never fact-checked, and many of us live in our assumptions, which cause us to have reactions.
If you learn to listen with the intent to hear and learn to think rather than assume, you will combat the two chemicals that lead to a reaction, and that allows us to stay stuck in an unhealthy perspective in a circumstance that we may have no control over.
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