Hi my name is Cassie I am a Chronic People Pleaser

Chronic People Pleaser related to post anxiety disapproval disorder.

So I like variety, I love hanging out with different people and I hear a lot of really cool ideas, environments and events happening all around me.  It is easy to becomee overwhelmed in my schedule if I say yes to everything around me.  There are some amazingly cool things, but they are not God’s for my life .  Now I know this, its easy to type, but wow is it hard to do.  I don’t like saying no and I blame my mother, (I gotta blame someone)  “Did you just say no to me?”  or “Excuse me I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”  Now my mother is 5’2 but I swear she could take a six foot seven marine down if she got mad enough.  She is a little scary, and I learned to never tell her no through sitting in the corner, or my bottom being a little red.  

Chronic People Pleaser

I am a nurse and although I don’t ever diagnose patient’s, I do diagnose myself alot and systems.  I am a chronic people please with a side of post anxiety disapproval disorder.  I don’t like to disappoint people, but I have had to learn how because it was going to kill me if I didn’t.  I was getting to a place where I was allowing peoples opinions, perspectives, and actions dictate my value and self worth.  This led to me having a panic attack (I didn’t know that’s what it was) and depression.  I passed out in the middle of a department store due to my heart rate going so fast and my blood pressure dropping to 88/48.  So I was given some medication, that I took for two weeks then decided that I had to work through not letting my value be found in others.  I  wasn’t going to medicate my issue and numb the pain, I had to work through this.  

If you can get anything from this its that you have to listen to God’s voice above all other voices.  He has a specific plan and purpose for you and if you are so busy trying to achieve and strive for someone’s approval you will die by their rejection.  Unfortunately I learned this the hard way, and although I wanted to blame them the fault is mine for giving someone other than God that much control over my life and emotions.  People are going to misunderstand you, its OK.  People are going to hate you, its OK.  People are going to be disappointed by you, its OK. People are going to gossip about you, its OK.   People are going to try to control you with their words, actions, position, or money, its OK.  You have to learn and embrace being misunderstood, trust me its not fun but there is freedom is learning to hear God’s voice above all other voices.  

So here is the medicine for you if you are struggling with this.  

1. Accept that you struggle with this, you want others to find value in you, but this idea is wrong. Drop the lies that your value is based on others approval and pick up the truth that there is no condemnation in those who love Jesus.  
2. Forgive  those who hurt you, its not OK,  it may never be OK, some people preach grace as a cop out for their actions.  I am not devaluing your hurt, your pain, but I am valuing what Jesus did for you can heal any man made hurt.  Also understand that some wounds didn’t get there over night and its going to take a process to get through it.  But if you are willing you will.  Then FORGIVE yourself, you are human, give yourself grace.
3. Grieve:   People think they are supposed to get over things quickly, and working on a cancer floor I can tell you grief is an every day occurrence in my line of work. I see people go through all stages but in the same way, I had to learn and understand that I was grieving over the death of some relationships and also the death of my people pleasing mindset.  There are 5 stages that you will go through and if you don’t keep going you can get stuck in one of the stages.  

Healing is a process the best thing I can tell you is surround yourself with people who love you just as you are, imperfections and all.  They will encourage you support you and lift you up, but seek their relationship and not with those who make you exhaust you.  Healing has to start somewhere so why not here?