Skip to main content

Hi my name is Cassie I am a Chronic People Pleaser


Chronic People Pleaser related to post anxiety disapproval disorder.

So I like variety, I love hanging out with different people and I hear a lot of really cool ideas, environments and events happening all around me.  It is easy to becomee overwhelmed in my schedule if I say yes to everything around me.  There are some amazingly cool things, but they are not God’s for my life .  Now I know this, its easy to type, but wow is it hard to do.  I don’t like saying no and I blame my mother, (I gotta blame someone)  “Did you just say no to me?”  or “Excuse me I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”  Now my mother is 5’2 but I swear she could take a six foot seven marine down if she got mad enough.  She is a little scary, and I learned to never tell her no through sitting in the corner, or my bottom being a little red.  
Chronic People Pleaser
I am a nurse and although I don’t ever diagnose patient’s, I do diagnose myself alot and systems.  I am a chronic people please with a side of post anxiety disapproval disorder.  I don’t like to disappoint people, but I have had to learn how because it was going to kill me if I didn’t.  I was getting to a place where I was allowing peoples opinions, perspectives, and actions dictate my value and self worth.  This led to me having a panic attack (I didn’t know that’s what it was) and depression.  I passed out in the middle of a department store due to my heart rate going so fast and my blood pressure dropping to 88/48.  So I was given some medication, that I took for two weeks then decided that I had to work through not letting my value be found in others.  I  wasn’t going to medicate my issue and numb the pain, I had to work through this.  
If you can get anything from this its that you have to listen to God’s voice above all other voices.  He has a specific plan and purpose for you and if you are so busy trying to achieve and strive for someone’s approval you will die by their rejection.  Unfortunately I learned this the hard way, and although I wanted to blame them the fault is mine for giving someone other than God that much control over my life and emotions.  People are going to misunderstand you, its OK.  People are going to hate you, its OK.  People are going to be disappointed by you, its OK. People are going to gossip about you, its OK.   People are going to try to control you with their words, actions, position, or money, its OK.  You have to learn and embrace being misunderstood, trust me its not fun but there is freedom is learning to hear God’s voice above all other voices.  
So here is the medicine for you if you are struggling with this.  
  1. Accept that you struggle with this, you want others to find value in you, but this idea is wrong. Drop the lies that your value is based on others approval and pick up the truth that there is no condemnation in those who love Jesus.  
  2. Forgive  those who hurt you, its not OK,  it may never be OK, some people preach grace as a cop out for their actions.  I am not devaluing your hurt, your pain, but I am valuing what Jesus did for you can heal any man made hurt.  Also understand that some wounds didn’t get there over night and its going to take a process to get through it.  But if you are willing you will.  Then FORGIVE yourself, you are human, give yourself grace.
  3. Grieve:   People think they are supposed to get over things quickly, and working on a cancer floor I can tell you grief is an every day occurrence in my line of work. I see people go through all stages but in the same way, I had to learn and understand that I was grieving over the death of some relationships and also the death of my people pleasing mindset.  There are 5 stages that you will go through and if you don’t keep going you can get stuck in one of the stages.  
Healing is a process the best thing I can tell you is surround yourself with people who love you just as you are, imperfections and all.  They will encourage you support you and lift you up, but seek their relationship and not with those who make you exhaust you.  Healing has to start somewhere so why not here?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Surviving Middle School: Foundation laying

My children are in the most dreaded season of their lives: Middle School and High School.  It's hard, it's volatile, and it emotionally exhausting for everyone involved. Many moms struggle with middle school. One reason can be that they never dealt the pain of their middle school experience, we have moms reliving the trauma of middle school, and children trying to survive it. It can turn into a mess and our children can feel isolated and alone or disengaged. I want to help you, help them survive middle school.  I have two daughters and one is a freshman in highschool, the other is a sixth grader and I can tell you I was not prepared for girls in middle school and my eldest barely survived it.  I have moms who ask me how to survive it and this whole series is my take on what you can do to help you kids survive middle school. There are three questions I ask my girls everyday when they get in the car.  1. How was your day? 2. Who did you sit with at lunch? 3. Who is dea...
Post a Comment
Read more

3 Things I Have Learned While Waiting

There was a commercial that was popular by JG Wentworth.  The slogan was: It's my money, and I need it now! Typically it was a person yelling this out a window proclaiming that it was their money.   I was in the generation that computers were introduced in mass numbers in school.  The typing class was a must. We learned how to find information on the web rather than in the library.  We learned that we were smarter than our predecessors, we learned there was a faster way, and that life didn't have to be hard.  It was exciting to be a part of the dot com era, we didn't have to wait the way our parents did, we could have things instantly at our fingertips.  It gave us almost a false sense of entitlement and security that life was going to be easy.   Is it any wonder that we struggle with waiting?  I have struggled with the dissonance of where I am and where I think I should be. Add into that my belief in Christ and God's Kingdom and s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Three Perspectives to Help us Live In Purpose

There is no harder job than public service in any capacity, but especially the healthcare profession.  As a nurse, I live in a problematic place daily.  In my position, I am in between management, government, doctors, patients, and families.   I live in the middle of every single statute, and here is where I have to serve people and bring them excellent care.  It is so easy to lose yourself in the demands that everyone is making on you, to lose your identity in trying to please every single power that is telling you what you can and can't do, but I have learned how to shift my perspective in the midst of every single power telling me what I have to do.  I am still Cassie as I follow JHACO policies, I am still Cassie as I am filling out government-mandated documentation, I am still Cassie when I am meeting my management productivity standards, and I am still Cassie when I am dealing with patients and families.  Who I am does not change because my who ...
Post a Comment
Read more