There is a whole lot of information on how to lead well, how to build strong teams, how to manage your gifts, talents, and resources. We have processes for processes research and data are the future. But I want to take the time to talk to you lovely people about something that most people don't talk about: burn out. I am a fourth-generation preachers kid and have been in ministry for the majority of my life. I have seen people drop out, not because they don't love the Lord, or want to do His will, its because they got burnt out. Burn out leads to bad decisions and some of those decisions can lead to lasting and irreversible damage. Yes, I said the most un-holy word ever: Burn Out. It happens to us all, and it is dangerous on every level, and while we try to sweep it under the rug rather than deal with it, it will be the biggest silent killer to purpose. I have been burned out and unable to process, or my emotions are out of control, or my panic attacks are taking over. I know my signs and factors to what burns me out and I am learning self-care on every level as well as resilience. If you have to deal with people then you have stress in your life, stress is not the lack of faith but the pressure trying to deflate it. How we deal with that pressure is so vitally important, because it can crush us or it can turn us into diamonds. There have been a few times in my life where I have been burnt out through no fault except inexperience and a need to please. I have spent more time quieting the noise around me, the noise inside of me, and the stress of expectation. Here are some things I wish to share with you. On a physical level studies have shown that stress can have a negative and lasting effect on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromise the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus, which is responsible for mood, memory, and reasoning. Weeks of stress can cause reversible damage the dendrites (The nerve arms that are used to communicate with each other.) A month of stress can cause irreversible damage to the dendrites. In human terms, your stress level can cause major damage to you on a permanent level. On emotional level stress causes you to become reactive rather than thinking through. You at times can go into "Fight or Flight" responses and you can snap at those closest to you and cause relational damage that may take years to fix. On a Spiritual level, you can choose to look for ways to "feel good" and this can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like pornography, gambling, promiscuity, sexual sin, alcohol, and drugs. I have seen many spiritual leaders fall to these and we are all shaking our head but the truth is we are not taught resilience and healthy rhythms, and for many, there is no accountability. Not protecting ourselves from overexposure to stress can cause damage. This can lead to Burn Out.
Based on the American Institution of Stress: burnout is the cumulative process marked by emotional exhaustion and withdrawal associated with an increased workload and institutional stress. It is something those of us who are on the front lines of ministry, motherhood, and nursing deal with on a daily basis. Its not that we don't to be healthy, the problem is we have bought the lie that we have to be all things to all people. There are several stages to burn out and I have seen these in both my work environment as well as church environment/nonprofit. You can have both external and internal stressors, as well as organizational dynamics and role expectations.
External Factors:
So this can be anything outside of you. People that you have no control over. For me this may be a patient that screams at me and tells me I am a horrible nurse or a person who is codependent who makes me feel guilty because I cannot be to them what they want. High-stress places can be an external factor. I have found that when I choose to give my time to those who don't honor it, I am giving into external factors that can lead to burning out. I am cautious about loving people where they are but not engaging in unnecessary drama. I had a young woman in a coaching session once right down everyone who was important to her, she had two pages and I smiled " pick 10 people." I told her. She had a look of sheer horror because her external factors were causing her to be stressed out. When you are trying to take care of everyone you cannot effectively take care of yourself.
Internal Factors
These are things that motivate us, our reactionary responses, and our self-image. Perfectionism tendencies, our need to please, our need to feel wanted or our need for success, and our fears. Internal factors are unseen yet the intention behind it is seen in our results, whether you realize it or not your intention will always bear fruit in what you do. Internal factors can cause you to never shut off your brain, you can't sleep, you can't eat, or if you are like me McDonald's Big Mac is what you want.
Organizational Factors
I wish I could tell you every company you work for is great! But the reality is I am very careful about who I work for. I have had several experiences of burn out and most of them were caused by work factors. In fact, the organizations I was working for had so many bad processes, unhealthy leadership dynamics, and unhealthy team expectations that I quit. Whether ministry or marketplace negative organizational processes can and will influence your whole life.
Role and Expectations:
You will disappoint people if you want to live a purposeful life, there are going to be people you will have to say 'no' too. There are going to be events you cannot go to, and there are going to be people you cannot hang out with. Why? The roles we play and the expectations we place on ourselves as well as others can lead to us giving up on relationships as well as carrying roles. For instance, are you trying to be a superhero to your kids and spouse? Well, you are going to fail because even Superman had kryptonite. Are you frustrated because you have placed unrealistic expectations on others and they cannot meet your impossible standards? Or have you been let down because someone made a promise to meet this expectation and they did not? Take some time today to reflect and really look and ask the question: Am I burned out am over it? Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you, to show you the areas you need to let go of, and to show you where you need to surrender lordship instead of burning out.
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