So life was going great, Nic and I are saving money to buy a new house we have been saving to meet our goal, we have ours up on the market, I was working two jobs to try and get more money together faster. Our family was great and life was calm. Then in one day I found out my mom had to get testing done to rule out cancer, my dad came into the ER, that I was working at, with a GI bleed, and I got a text from the people who own our dream house saying they couldn't wait anymore. Top it all off with the whole ER team being stressed because it was a super busy day and stick a fork in me I was done. It was a bad day, it was emotional, and I was scared, frustrated, and disappointed. What you don't know about me is two years ago this would have put me on the floor in a fetal position crying and unable to get up. I have told you guys before I was a people pleaser, yeah well I also struggle with how to walk through disappointment. Disappointment means the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectation. I have gotten stuck there before, believing lies and wanting my life to be over. Can I share with you some things I learned and some disappointments along the way.
I am honest
For the first twenty-eight years of my life, I was never honest with disappointment. I pretended everything was okay and I was okay and that my life was okay and I hid that disappointment hurt me. Although I was smiling and cool on the outside, I was crying inside. I thought that if nothing bothered me then I would be bothered by nothing. Brene Brown in "Rising Strong" says "If you numb the bad you also numb the good." I couldn't feel anything because to feel anything meant you felt both good and bad. So I learned to be hard, unfeeling, cold, and rigid. Why because weak people got hurt, weak people let their emotions in and emotions just made things worse. So I learned to lie and say "it doesn't bother me." I have learned that being brave is being honest and going through, although its hard, this leads to overcoming disappointment. Are their things causing you harm? Are you not being honest? You can't get up from disappointment if you don't address how it makes you feel. I will talk about it, write about it, or pray about it, but I don't lie about it anymore. Can I encourage you to be honest if you are struggling with disappointment and move through what you are feeling honestly.
My value is not tied to my disappointment.
The enemy is shifty and for a long time I believed the lie that my value was tied to my ability to perform. So what happens when I don't get the part? Or when my family isn't perfect? Or when a deal falls through. I remember one time I sat on the couch, in utter depression because due to an error we didn't get to be a part of an event. Now I wanted it so bad, we had planned for it and I had gotten my hopes up, and it fell through. I cried and sat on the couch, blanket over my lap sitting there hating the pain and sting of disappointment. Wondering if we had any vodka in the house, I could numb out, and stay here never leave my couch. I then did something other than sitting there. I called my friend Erin. I told her how I was feeling and she agreed that it was hard, but it wasn't the end of the world. Sharing my sadness with someone helped me process through and keep moving forward. Don't be afraid to let others walk along side of you when you are feeling bad, but make sure they are people that are going to help you get through it, not ones who are going to keep you there.
I don't need anything more than I need Jesus.
If disappointment is sadness caused by nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations I have to address the want to make something bigger than what Jesus did for me. You see I am a Christian, I repent from sin and turn away from idols. Idols are things in your life that you want, or worship. It could be a person, place or thing, anything that you worship. When I invite Jesus into my life I am declaring that everything in my life has to bow down to God and his kingdom through what Jesus did on the cross for me. I daily discipline to repent from my sin and turn away from idols. If my hope is in something other than Jesus than I am in trouble because I have set an idol up before God. At the end of the day I need Jesus more than I need anything else and so I have to put my expectations in their place, underneath the cross.
I want to encourage you dear ones, that disappointment is not final and it isn't your stopping place. David says "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want, he makes me lie down in green pastures and he leads me beside still waters, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, your rod and your staff they comfort me...." Psalms 23. David knew dissapointment and yet he put his hope in God
Comments
Post a Comment