I can remember early memories of someone sticking a finger in my face "You should be ashamed of yourself." I felt that shame as a child and I kept that shame clear into my adulthood, not even realizing it. Shame gives way to fear, and I at thirty years old was so full of fear to the point that I couldn't walk in who God made me. God was telling me to do this small group and I was telling him NO. My family was going through a very hard season, and I was emotionally so spent trying to hold my life together. Then God said pick up something else. It was this thing called Propel Women. I began the process, filling out the forms, doing the things that God told me to do, while I felt my life was too messy, I was not the right person for the job. At every step I knew the enemy was attacking to the point that several things caused us to not even launch. I knew at an early age God called me to tell others about Jesus. But I...
Posts
It's something I was taught at a young age: God is perfect, his ways are higher, he is perfect, holy, and everything good. I could repeat this to anyone at a young age and truly believed it with all my heart. As a child who isn't really a rule follower, I really struggled with the perfect God in my life. You know the one that allowed me to be sexually abused as a child, spiritually abused clear into my adulthood. You know the one that allowed male leaders to tell me that I was less than because of my gender, that they didn't believe in women, and therefore didn't believe in me. As a child I looked at people and was confused, because I also met God through Jesus at an early age. I accepted Christ as my savior from my earliest memories, I talked to God every night, told him about my day, I can remember this clear back to four. So what do you do when you love God, but you don't necessarily love the people he put around us? Or when life hits us in...
In the church world culture, its easy to say all the right things. We can spout off our DNA, what we do the right buzz words like 'tribe' 'engagement' or even 'servant leader' but I think, knowing that we all are in personal relationship with Jesus we need to take a good introspect look at our lives and see do we really mean those things. Are we intentional with making people feel like they are a part, or are we more concerned with our position at the top of the rung? Are we concerned about are others engaged with us or are we interested in picking apart those who don't get it. And are we in our everyday lives exampling 'servant leader' or are we trying to manipulate, bully, demean our out maneuver someone to get our way. When I have been faced with this question I have to be very honest with people. "I have learned politics in church but I have learned to serve being a nurse." Please do not mistake me I love the local ...
When I was twenty seven I had a "I surrender all moment." I was driving in a car and God was speaking and I was listening. "Are you going to step into the call?" I didn't want to be a preacher, I didn't want to speak. Singing for me was easier, I loved to worship, I was good at singing but God wanted me to speak. I defined those boundaries. "I will do kids ministry, I will do teen ministry, but PLEASE do not make me talk to adults they are dumb." Yes these are the conversations me and God have. I finally told him "Okay, you win I surrender everything to you." And then in the next five minutes speaking engagements flourished.... NOT! He spent four years pulling up past hurts, lack of faith, and I was like "seriously when am I going to speak." I was focused on the product, God was waiting on my permission to start working on the process. You see I live in farm county, there are fields all around and one thing I know ...
I love the banner of our Propel Women Chapter, we compliment we don't compete. This is something that I get tired of seeing in Christian communities men and women are both guilty of it. We count things and then place numerical value on them because somehow this will make us better than someone else or something else. I think as Christians who are growing towards maturity we have to be very careful what we count or what we consider makes us different unique and gifted. I hate seeing people say, post and come against others in the church. We as a body have an auto immune response and we get confused and try to kill each other. Why? Because we think its a competition and its our job to win. I was the worst, I can argue with anyone in doctrine, in life, in approach, and in thought. I pray everyday, I can and have spent hours praying for hours, crying out. I can say my books of the Bible in thirty seconds, rattle off scripture, be ab...
I am a highly competitive girl by nature. I like to win, to chase, to meet goals, I like to be the best at whatever I am doing, so whatever I do I spend a lot of time, energy, and effort thrusting myself into it. This has allowed me to adapt quick, learn quick and be good at things quick and I was able to excel in high school in whatever I was passionate about. This was great when I was a teenager but as I am going into my middle years of life being the best doesn't cut it for me. I actually don't like being around people who are like this because I have a real difficulty with being around prideful people. Why? Because I know what its like to place all your hopes and security in something so deceiving. Everyone likes to talk about it but no one likes to own up to it. Pride is the thief of anointing, the destroyer of relationships, and the killer of whole bodies of people. I have ...
I have three amazing children, and my youngest is at the age where she is struggling with life being unfair. She will tell her oldest sister with much conviction "That's not fair!" she will yell it at times, throw her arms in a defensive stance and get worked up. Her world is over, her life is crashing, and she cannot cope with the fact that something is out of balance. I can tell you that as her mother I don't buy into the injustice of the world. I am not here to pamper her, I am here to prepare her for the real world. So I tell her gently "Kiki life is not fair, but you can't focus on all the bad, sometimes you have to just look at the good." she isn't buying it, I can see it in her skeptic brown eyes. Many times when my all of my kids start focusing on the bad I will remind them of their good. As adults we are the same way. I have become completely consumed with the injustice of the situations ar...